Tuesday, November 18, 2008

SHY: (a train crash of thought)

From: Will Franken
Subject: Re: Hi Will
Date: Nov. 18, 2008 12:56:38 PM EST
To: _______.

Dear ______.

Get over yourself. Talk about narcissism. This has nothing to do with you.

I'm serious. I never was even ever thinking about you when I wrote this--ever! Not ever once! Never! So don't say or think that it was you that I was writing about, cause it wasn't. It was a joke. You hear me? A J-O-K-E!!!!

You don't know me, okay? Nobody knows me! All right? Understand?

You don't know me! I don't need anybody! I am my own universe! I can bend the rules of time and space!

I don't like you at all!! AT ALL!!!



On Nov 17, 2008, at 11:17 PM, ________wrote:

Hello Will,

This is ______.

This e-mail might upset you, but I have to be honest.

I looked up your blog, like you told me to, and read your latest entry and I have to say I find it creepy.

I don't know if I'm supposed to be the girl that you're having this e-mail interchange with or not, but I hope that isn't the case. I find it very disturbing.

If you think that this is funny or that this is going to help you attract women, you need some serious help.

Men should ALWAYS make the first move. You can't expect a woman to read your blog and see how you're pretending to be her in some hypothetical fantasy where she makes the first move and expect anything to happen in real life.

Anyway, I have a boyfriend. One who WASN'T afraid to make the first move.

Please stay away from me,


On Nov 16, 2008, at 2:38 PM, Will Franken wrote:

Hi, ____!

Yes, IT IS YOU!!!

I am so glad you googled my name and found my blog!

I like you and was afraid to tell you in person and that's why I wrote about you ambiguously in my blog, hoping by some chance that you would find out my name and look up my blog online and guess that it was you I was writing about and then send me an e-mail saying that you hoped it was you that I was writing about and then tell me that you actually like me!!!!

That's EXACTLY what I wanted to happen!!!

Thanks for making things easy on me!!!

We should go on a date now that we know we like each other!!!

I like you,


On Nov 15, 2008, at 10:31 AM, _________ wrote:

Hi Will,

This is _____.

I hope you don't think it's strange that I'm e-mailing you out of the blue like this. I got your last name from your friend and looked you up on google--that's how I found your blog.

I just saw the latest one of your e-mail exchange with an unnamed girl. It was really funny, but also really sweet.

In fact, I was kind of hoping that I was the girl you were pretending to be that liked you and that you liked.

You see, Will, I like you very much. I know it's crazy for the girl to make the first move and you probably totally don't respect me for being the first to say it. But I do! I like you!

I get very nervous around you. That's why i was happy to read your blog and think that maybe I was the one you were talking about.

I'll feel like such a dork if I'm not!

I like you (there! I said it!)



On Nov 14, 2008, at 10:26 PM, Will Franken wrote:

Wow, hi _____,

No, i don't think you're a dork at all! I am glad you made the first move! I was so nervous. I did not think you would ever like me!

I like the fact that you made the first move by sending me an e-mail. Because I get very nervous around you also. My heart speeds up and my throat gets dry, too.

I don't believe in rules either! I am a libertarian! That's another reason why I think it's cool that, even though you are the girl, you sent me an e-mail first!

We should go on a date this weekend!

Thanks for e-mailing me and telling me that you like me and making things easier on me!

I like you, too!


On Nov 14, 2008, at 9:59 PM, ________wrote:

Hi Will,

This e-mail may come as a surprise to you. I don't know if you know who I am. My name is _____. I am the pretty girl with dark hair. We have talked a few times, but you probably don't remember me.

Anyway, I feel I have to tell you something. I am very attracted to you. I get very nervous around you. I don't know if you feel the same way or not, but I just felt that I should be honest about how I feel when I see you. My heart starts to speed up and my throat gets dry.

I know you probably think I'm a total dork for e-mailing you like this. You probably think it's stupid for a girl to make the first move. But I couldn't help it. I just had to say something.

I like you - there, I said it.

Anyway, hope you don't think I'm a dork for not obeying the rule that says a girl should never make the first move.