Monday, November 27, 2006


(AP) Weeks later the nation is still reeling from the Michael Richards’
racist rant at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. In a post-Kramer’s
Racist Tirade world, many Americans feel isolated.

“I don’t know what to do,” says Mandy Iffit, a senior in junior high.
“I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down and all the
goodness has been shaken out of it into the hand of a big outer space
giant so he can sprinkle it on some other planet.”

Richards recently apologized on national television, but victims Kyle
Doss and Frank McBride don't feel the apology is enough and are
calling on Richards to apologize for what they feel was not a very
good apology.

“How can you just apologize?” asks Doss, “That’s like saying, ‘yeah, I
did something wrong and now I’m apologizing for it.’”

During a performance at the Laugh Factory, Richards called Doss and
McBride the N-Word (Nigger), leaving McBride permanently blinded and
Doss paralyzed from the waist down.

“The N-Word (Nigger) is a very destructive word,” said McBride, “Over
1,500 blacks are killed each year by white people who improperly handle
the term. We’re lucky that we’re still alive, but unlucky in that we
haven’t quite gotten everything we want from the situation yet.”

Doss and McBride’s lawyer, Ebony Inkjet, believes that an agreement
can be reached only if Richards is willing to provide Doss and McBride
with the pin number to his ATM account, undergo surgery
to remove the racial lobe from his brain, and apologize once more--in

“How you gonna be apologizing as a white man if what you say when you
is white is what be the problem?” asks Inkjet.

Earlier this week, members of the National Association For The
Advancement Of Opportunists were pleased to learn they had something
to complain about in the light of a growing tolerance in America.

“I’m very happy to still have a job,” said Elijah Wasteland, chairman
of the NAAO. “The passage of the Civil Rights bill in the mid-sixties
along with the end of segregation and a general awareness of not being
in shackles for almost 150 years has greatly crippled our business.”

The Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson nodded their heads to
Wasteland's comments and said “Amen” and “as-Salaam Alaikum” out of
both sides of their mouths.

Four-time Grammy award winner Nigga-Z spoke from his home in the
ghettos of Beverly Hills Wednesday night regarding the Laugh Factory

“Fuck that cracker.”

When asked about the predominant use of the N-Word (Nigger) in rap
lyrics, Mr. Z reminded reporters that many current rap labels such as
the one that released his albums “Nigga Kill-A Whitey” and “Suck On My
Nigga-Gun” are “run by Jews.”

“Anyway, this wasn’t any N-Word (Nigger),” said Mr. Z. “This was an
N-Word (Nigger) used by a cracker.”

Comedians Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle have announced that proceeds
from their new joint album “Funny Stupid Uptight White People Who Are
All Racists” will be donated to build a new recreation center in
Harlem where members of the community can come together and talk about
how much they hate Michael Richards. The proposed 2,000 square foot
facility will also feature a high-definition plasma TV so community
members can watch Richards’ racist tirade over and over again in
slow-motion from the moment his tongue goes to the back of his front
teeth to form the “N” to the instant where his lips jut out slightly
to emphasize the “R.”