Sunday, October 26, 2008


Hey gang! Aren't I erratic? Don't you get dizzy sometimes reading my blogs?

If it's not politically rabid, it's philosophically heavy. If it's not downright mean, it's filled with self-pity. If it's not dreadfully serious, it's light-hearted and fluffy!

Jeez, don't you wish I could just tell a straight story sometimes?

Well, that's exactly what I want to do. Two stories, in fact. You may remember in the blog entry on my anger management counselor where I mentioned having been arrested for assault in July and having spent 30 days on New York state welfare.

Well, I'm writing out those two stories this week before I prepare for my trip to San Francisco. I just started on the assault one and, even though it's a true story, it's tremendously funny! (And that means a lot coming from me, since I never think anything I do is funny!) I'm putting in a lot of background from my teenage years at the beginning of this one and you'll get to meet some of my friends from those days along the way. It's a hilarious story of drunkenness and Midwestern violent tendencies brought to the Big Apple! I'm sure the New York state welfare story will be just as side-splitting.

Anyway, since I mentioned these two stories, there's been a lot of interest from you guys in hearing them.

But these stories are really personal and, although I'd like to tell them, I feel weird about giving them away for free. New York's an expensive place for an artist/author/comedian--whatever it is that I am. So here's my win-win proposition. For a small donation you can get one or both of these stories either e-mailed to you personally or you can be included on a special private list where only paid members can read these stories.

For a donation of $5, you can get your choice of either "The Assault In Union Square Park" or "30 Days On New York State Welfare".

And for $7, you can get BOTH!

All you have to do is click the paypal donate button at the bottom of this entry, make your donation and, if you're going the $5 route, send me an e-mail at and let me know whether you want to read "The Assault In Union Square Park" or "30 Days On New York State Welfare"

These are really funny stories and I know you'll enjoy reading them as much I enjoyed living them! The projected completion date for these stories is next Saturday--so be the first one on your block to receive your copies!

Thank you and God Bless! (and rest assured, there will be NO politics or philosophy!)