Wednesday, October 31, 2007
A NEW YORK HALLOWEEN!
Okay everybody, I know this is a little self-indulgent, but here's a picture of me in my Halloween costume:
I know it looks pretty graceful and effortless in the photo, but believe me--a lot of work went into my costume this year. Granted, I already had the shift dress, tights, and gold platform shoes from last Halloween. They were given to me by my father who got them from his father (who wore them when he stormed the beaches at Normandy).
But anybody can put on women's clothes. This year, I decided to go all out!
So let me tell you about my crazy day in the Big Apple!
6:30 a.m. Showered, shaved and plucked.
7:30 a.m. Another failed experiment with a curling iron--pressed for time, I decided to go natural
8:30 a.m. Scheduled an appointment with a therapist
8:45 a.m. Found time for a muffin and a latte:)
9:00a.m.-9:50a.m. Met with the therapist and got diagnosed with gender-identity disorder
10:00a.m. Skimmed through a copy of My Husband Wears My Clothes by Dr. Peggy Rudd while waiting to get my nails done on Columbus Circle
11:30a.m.-12:30p.m.Went through six months of hormone therapy in a record-breaking 60 minutes:)
12:45p.m. Found time for a salad and sparkling water:)
1:00p.m.-4:00p.m. Spent THREE HOURS waiting in line at the DMV to have my name legally changed to Sarah on my driver's license! :(
4:15p.m.-5:15p.m. Phoned my family and friends and informed them of the big decision I was about to make.
5:30p.m.-6.30p.m. Underwent sexual reassignment surgery to have my penis and testes removed in order to create a fully functional vagina:)
6:45p.m.-9:45p.m. Spent THREE HOURS at Curves For Women on 53rd Street doing Jazzercize so I could drop twenty pounds in time for the big costume competition!
And then I arrived in the East Village just in time to sign up.
And when it was all said and done, guess who won first place? That's right. This guy (again!)
I mean, please! This cocksucker has won two times in a row now! Anybody can be a president!
Oh, well, at least I got second place. That really made me feel like a woman.
Now I have to get all this shit off so I can get some sleep. Let's see--what did I do with my penis? Maybe it's in my purse. . .
Posted by Will Franken at 10:21 PM