THE YEAR IN REVIEW
I) LARRY SUMMERS
My name is Larry Summers. A long time ago, I used to be the president of Harvard. But, boy, did I fuck up.
Last year, in case you don't remember, I made the comment that males
and females had different genitalia. This statement met with quite a
bit of controversy from some of the greatest pioneers in the feminist
sciences.
For example:
Denice "Big Balls" Denton - Chancellor of UC Santa Cruz before
her hysterical plunge 42 stories from the top of a very phallic
building to her beloved mother earth below - wrote in her final essay,
"Women and Men Think Differently And I Am A Woman And I Wrote This All
By Myself":
". . . Larry Summers has no right to talk about women because anybody
who is not a woman doesn?t know anything about women even if they have
a wife or a mother . . ."
Louann Brizendine's book The Female Brain, in which she suggests that
the female brain is shaped like a little pony with a pink tail and
purple ribbons and the male brain is shaped like a Corvette, suggests
in her postscript:
". . .Larry Summers reminds me of my father. And my dad never believed
in me. But you know what, Dad? I'm making it on my own. And I'm a
woman. I'm talented, Dad. A talented woman! I wrote a whole book!"
I realize now that as a male, every word that comes out of my mouth
wreaks untold amounts of death and destruction for all women. My words
have been Katrina to the New Orleans of women. I am a tsunami in a
three-piece suit.
I have single-handedly set women back centuries. Thanks to my ignorant
comments, the modern Western female is now no better off than women
under Islam. Oops. . . I mean . . .
Oh, fuck. I probably just got a bunch of female nuns killed. I better
shut up now . . .
