Wednesday, July 18, 2007
A Letter To Before
Mr. Meltdown has come to correct a great wrong. . .
Mr. Meltdown, Mr. Meltdown.
Yesterday was the most blissful day in my life until today. Little was I to know that inside your heart resided not only 24, but 48 hours of interest in me. When I awoke a few seconds ago to find you still cuddled next to the heart shaped pillow the size of my kidney, I believed that I had truly reached my climax.
Until I climaxed. I hope I did not wake you. You are so beautiful when you sleep. Like a little angel.
But then I think, “what if all the angels are asleep right now?”
Who’s going to look after heaven?
So I woke you. Please forgive me, Sabrina. But angels have duties. What is there to believe in if angels shirk their duties and sleep all day? The world needs you for comfort right now. Listen, my darling Sabrina. Listen to the wind blowing through the great gaping wound at the core of the earth. . .
If it were up to me, Sabrina, I would let you sleep all day next to the stomach-shaped pillow the size of the word “love”. But I would be doing the universe a great disservice if I were to pilfer angels away from their flocks.
Who cares that I am a demon and you might contain the power to cure me of my diabolicism? So what that your purity could be mine for the taking on elopment to hell and damnation?
Sorry I awoke you. But I want to do right, Sabrina. My nature is wrong. What is it like to be a sleeping angel?
Wilhelm. . .
I had no idea I was sleeping until I awoke. There are ups and downs here in the waking world. There are none in the sleeping world.
Sabrina. . .
Got your e-mail about sleeping vs. waking worlds. Would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime?:)
Wilhelm. . .
Sure coffee sounds good--lol!
A PHONE CALL THREE HOURS LATER
“Sabrina? Hey, it’s Will.”
Gulp. Swallow. Swallow.
Slightly lilting the words like a question.
“Yeah. . .I got your e-mail about coffee.”
“So. . .you said ‘lol’ at the end of the e-mail, do you remember?”
“So does that mean you don’t want coffee?”
“Yes. I hate coffee. Can’t you take a hint? I don’t like you! I’ve always hated you! I thought that was obvious!”
“Sure thing! Just wanted to clear up any confusion. Thanks a lot. You take care now. Bye-bye.”
A THOUGHT TWO SECONDS LATER
My god, she’s a demon. And why? I’m such an angel.
Posted by Will Franken at 6:25 PM